Gwen's Mum

Cecily Cardew.

I am Cecily Cardew, and I am a friend of your daughter's, a friend - the housemate, actually - of your daughter's boyfriend, and the girlfriend of your - cousin? Nephew? Whatever Al actually meant by 'aunt'.

I am Cecily Cardew, I am 22 years of age and have finished my Bachelor of Arts in Art History over the summer. I speak French and am a rather good artist. I spend my day to day life reading literature and political philosophy, but I am not keen on geography. I am still taking German lessons, despite my feeling any sort of interest for the language, although I would love to be able to read Grimm in the original.

Ah, dommage, l'esprit d'escalier, toutes les reponses et aucun des possibilites pour repondre. 

Gwen's Mum, the terrifying Augusta Bracknell, has found her way to our house. This in itself would not have been cause for concern, were it not that she seems to have rather some issues with Gwen and how she wants to live her life.

No wonder Gwen has issues.

Gwen caught her on video, so Dr Chasuble can presumably take the footage and run with it, do a whole sort of Freudian analysis on why Gwen's issues are all the fault of her Mum's tyrannical ways.

The woman reminds me of a dragon, swooping in, scorching the lands with her vicious breath, destroying or attempting to destroy everything in sight.

Even her name suggests the utmost pompousness. 'Augusta'. The great, the glorious, the august.

Augusta the Great? I doubt it. More like Augusta the Terrible.

But now I am being terribly unfair and horribly impolite. I hardly know the woman, going off Gwen's anecdotes and a one-time impression. Perhaps she is normally very lovely.

I doubt it, however.

But we will see Gwen through this, for I owe it her.